Advice on prospering where you are planted

  • Published
  • By Chelsea Whitford
VANCE AIR FORCE BASE, Okla. --  For many of you, Vance is your first experience as a military spouse. And if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed, I promise you're not alone.

When you're new to the Air Force, not only is the military a complete culture shock, but the additional stresses of being in a new town, away from family and friends can be suffocating. Add to that the fact our spouses are beginning one of the most rigorous training programs of their lives -- life can get challenging.

But fear not. One of the nice things about being at a training base like Vance is the countless numbers of spouses who are walking, or have walked, the same road that you are. If they can get through it, so can you.

Here are some tidbits, learned through experience, that can help make your journey successful, happy and fun.

Communication is the key
For a military marriage to work, communication has to happen, especially during pilot training. This will probably be something that you, as the spouse, will have to initiate.

Joint specialized undergraduate pilot training is information overload for our spouses. They may not always be good at relaying information to us. So feel free to ask questions. If you don't know what to ask, start with "How was your day?" or "What did you do today?"

Even if what they are telling you isn't all that interesting, listen anyway. The more you listen and ask about their training, the more they will be willing to tell you. This will be a lifesaver in the long run.

Learn about what is around you
Enid may not be the place of your dreams. But if you ask any well-traveled military spouse, they will tell you Enid is not as bad as you think.

When my hubby was going through officer training school, one piece of advice his flight commander gave me was to find what makes each base special. Find out what is unique in that town and make the best of it.

Each and every town has its ups and downs, but the best way for us to prosper wherever we are is to take the good and make it better while taking the bad with a grain of salt. Everything in the Air Force is temporary, so even if it is really bad, it won't last.

Flexibility
I am a planner. I like to know the who, what, when, where and why about everything. Having a plan and rigidly sticking to it can make things a lot easier - unless you are a military spouse.

If you haven't experienced it already, be prepared for things to change -- constantly. Your pilot almost assuredly won't know their weekly schedules until the night before. One minute they may be scheduled for a flight, the next their flight has been cancelled but they have to stay late to do flight planning for tomorrow's flight.

They may be told last minute that they are going on a cross-country flight this weekend - the same weekend your in-laws are coming to visit.

Flexibility is understanding that when things do change, most of the time our loved ones can't do anything about it. Getting angry at them won't do any good. Accept that things do not always go as planned. And on the bright side -- life will never be boring.

Get involved - on base and in the community
Nothing makes the time go by faster than getting involved. There are so many opportunities to become part of the military family and the local community.

Volunteer for a local organization, help out with a base-wide event or attend a spouses' coffee night. These connections can and will help in the short and long run.

When your spouse is done with their training and you are getting ready to leave, it's your connection with others that will have helped you through the difficult times and given you the chance to help others.

Learn something new
Your experience with pilot training will teach you a lot about the military and your spouse's future career. It is also a time for you to grow and have some fun.

You may have given up everything you have known to follow your loved one while they pursue their dream of flying. But you now have the chance to do something you may have never tried. It may be time for a cooking class or a creative writing course. It may be time to take up art or go back to school to finish a degree.

Empower yourself to learn something new while your spouse is following their dream. Your newfound independence will serve you well during your military life.

Find out where the resources are
No matter what you are trying to figure out, don't be afraid to ask someone. I guarantee someone else has had the same question. Every unit has key spouses that are great resources for finding out about anything. And if they don't know the answer, they can direct you to someone who does.

Visit the Vance Airman & Family Readiness Center as soon as you can. It is a fantastic source of information about almost anything a military family may experience. The A&FRC is in Building 314. Their telephone number is 213-6330.

It is called an Air Force family because that what we are. If you need help -- ask. If you have questions -- ask. And if you need someone to reassure you it is worth the laughter, tears and all things in between - just ask.

(Editor's note: Chelsea is married to 2nd Lt. Jeffrey Whitford, a graduate of JSUPT Class 12-11.)