I'm from the government and here to help

  • Published
  • By Frank McIntyre
  • Public Affairs
Vance Air Force Base, Okla. --  Another year's worth of accolades was heaped on the 71st Flying Training Wing and once again there's no mention of me. Talk about disappointment. How would you like it, knowing you were involved in just about every single action on base without receiving so much as a thank you, much less any formal recognition?
I'm simply taken for granted. Usually the only time I get any extra attention is when, once again, I take the blame for someone else's problem. And then I hear it -- I'm too old, too slow, it's time I should retire and make room for some hot-shot upstart that can offer faster and better service.
It seems like only yesterday I arrived on the job. I was that new hot-shot promising more. That's memories for you. But if it wasn't for my memory, I wouldn't even be here.
For those of you without my logic who haven't guessed by now, I'm your friendly computer. I know, friendly isn't the word you usually use to describe me, but since many of those other terms you use aren't printable, we'll stick to that good old user-friendly term my manufacturer labeled me with.
Speaking of manufacturer, this would be a good time to start the beginning of my story and how I ended up at Vance Air Force Base and on your desk top. I'm sure most of you were just a little overwhelmed by the amount of competition on the market when you bought one of my relatives for your home. Multiply making that selection by a thousand-fold or more and you may wonder why I was the one that landed on your desk.
According to Capt. Elmarko Magee, 71st Communications Squadron plans flight commander, the Air Force Information Technology Commodities Council determines the standard systems architecture for personal computer buys.
"At the base level we are required to purchase in accordance with this standard configuration to reduce the overall cost of ownership across the Air Force through increased standardization of hardware and software," Captain Magee said. "This configuration provides a small desktop form factor and has minimum expandability. It is expected to provide sufficient performance to run mainstream software applications throughout its expected four-year life-cycle."
Unlike most of you, I don't have any idea what my duties will be until I actually get to the base. Once here, I'll get my assignment from the plans flight based on something they call a refresh list. That might be refreshing for you but to me it sounds like a polite term for becoming obsolete. Sure I'll be the new hot shot for awhile, but it just a short time before I'll be the one that's "refreshed."
Staff Sgt. John Setar, NCO in charge of the plans flight, told me their objective is to refresh 25 percent of the small computers on base each year. That's one-quarter of more than 2,100 computers valued at nearly $2 million currently in use on the base. He said my life cycle would probably be closer to three years because they'd like to get rid of me before something called my warranty runs out. I tried to find out if the people who use me have warranties because I've heard three years is about average for their stay on Vance too. Evidently I don't have a need to know that information because I couldn't find it in my memory anywhere, not even on the huge public drive that rumors say contains everything one needs to know.
Once the plans section decides assignments for me and other newly- arrived units, the Computer Science Corporation computer support section arranges delivery to our new homes. At the same time, the old timers we replace are returned to that section for disposition.
Since I'm still one of the new guys, I'm not sure what disposition following a refreshing means. But while I was sitting in the warehouse waiting for my assignment, I heard some stories from my elders about what fate awaited them.
Some of the elders would recount memories of their accomplishments -- crunching lots of numbers of flying hours, recording meritorious achievements for posterity or exchanging e-mail from all over the globe. It's really amazing what the folks at Vance accomplish on a daily basis and, I'd like to think, it was accomplished with a little help from us.
Then there were the scary stories from the elders that apparently were close to completely losing their memory. I say the stories were scary because they told us we were on our way to be "ghosted," while they were just going to be "wiped." Sounded to us that we were the ones dying and they were just getting cleaned.
Being the curious, investigative type of computer I am (probably why I ended up in the public affairs office), I was able to get the scoop for you from my e-mail sources. And am I glad I found out what really happens and makes for a happy ending to my story.
As it turns out, staff members at the computer support section -- Bob Long, Betty Comer, Hoss Auldridge and Bill Vestal -- are responsible for "ghosting" us newbies and "wiping" the oldtimers.
"Ghosting" means they put a copy of the files needed for me to do my job into my "brain." The copy, or "ghost," image is taken from a close relative of mine that already has the necessary programs already running on it.
"Wiping" my obsolete predecessors doesn't mean cleaning the dust off them. Years of hard work is completely taken from their memory, so when they get to go outside the base gate there's not a trace of anything they've done remaining, their memory just as blank and as empty as when they arrived. But we don't feel sad for them. They will soon have new assignments. Their new missions are with schools or other government and law enforcement agencies. In schools some will be used for training our future users. Who knows, one of those students may even come up with a cure for computer obsolescence.
Time for me to stop dwelling on the past and thinking about the future. Someone is hitting keys and giving me information to output to you. That message said, if you wait until next week, there will be a story on how I open the world to you and help you do your job even better. Until then, try to remember I'm friendly and stop calling me those unprintable names.
(Editor's note: This is the first in a four-part series about small computers and their use on Vance Air Force Base.)