What parents need to know about bullying

  • Published
  • By Sarina Houston
  • 3rd Flying Training Squadron key spouse
As parents, we worry when our children are teased or pushed around, and for good reason.

Almost 30 percent of children in grades 6-12 report being bullied, according to the National Center for Education Statistics' 2008-2009 School Crime Supplement.

More than 15 percent of U.S. high school students contemplated suicide in 2011, according to the 2011 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Summary prepared by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

That's a big deal.

It's difficult to know where the line is drawn between simple childish teasing and a serious bully problem. How do we know when to tell our kids to "toughen up" and when to step in and help?

What is bullying?
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, bullying is repetitive "unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance."

Bullying can be verbal, social or physical. It occurs often at school, on the playground, on the bus and online.

Is your child being bullied?
"It's important to know that if a child perceives that they're being bullied, they're being bullied," said Lyntel Murphy, principal of Eisenhower Elementary School on base. "It's all about perception."

For example, if a child trips over a fellow classmate while outside on the playground, he might feel like he was bullied, whether the child intentionally tripped him or not.

Schools tend to take bullying very seriously. "If bullying is reported, it's formally investigated - every single time," said Murphy.

If you aren't sure if your child is being bullied or not, here are some questions worth asking:
  • Is the behavior ongoing or repetitive?
  • Does your child feel scared or unsafe?
  • Is your child avoiding certain people or places on a regular basis?
  • Were threats made that compromise your child's well-being or reputation?
What parents should know
In addition to teaching kids what bullying is and how to intervene, it's important to help kids identify the different roles involved with bullying -- bully, bystander, helper, victim -- and what to do should they find themselves in one of those roles.

Parents can teach children to take a stand and report bullying, whether they are a victim or a witness.

"We often talk about tattling, and kids need to know that telling is different from tattling," Murphy said. She emphasized that while kids often tattle just to get someone in trouble, telling someone when a child is being bullied is the right thing to do.

Teach and demonstrate tolerance, kindness and respect for others from a young age. Children often emulate what they witness in adult relationships, so it's important for children to have kind, respectful role models.

Parents should always monitor online activity and inform kids about the dangers of technology. Cyberbullying can be very difficult for teenagers. Once a message or photo circulates on the Internet, the damage can't be reversed.

You know your child the best. Talk to them in a way that makes sense for them. For some children, talking about bullying extensively will actually exacerbate the problem and make them fear it or seek it.

On the other hand, children need to know what bullying is and how they can help put a stop to it.

Sarina is the Key Spouse for the 3rd Flying Training Squadron and is married to Capt. Jacob Houston in the 3rd FTS at Vance AFB.